Monday, June 28, 2010

I am blessed!

So what if I didn’t win the million….well it would have been nice but I have learned and quickly at that, that life is not about money. I look around and I figure I have every basic thing I need, food, shelter, car, JOB, etc.

I need to be grateful not wishful.

Sure, I did what most people did, the what if’s, the I would do if I won and Yes I even prayed a little asking for help but the I thought. My life is so totally planned out already that if I ever get a huge sum of money it is going to happen later or tomorrow or who knows.

I am blessed already, far more than some people ever will be.

I have had a great life (a couple of rough spots but whose life doesn’t have those)

I have had great parents who gave me more than they could ever afford and I mean that in more ways than just money wise. Mom gave me hope, determination, love of drama, music, smiles, love and most of all LIFE!!! Dad gave me desire, grit, overcoming the odds, strength, pride, compassion, smiles, love and LIFE!

They gave me much more but these are the highlights. I have had great parents!

As for my siblings, AL, Phil, Kelly and Tracey they have each given different things, they are my siblings and as much as we are apart, push come to shove we are there for each other, as we were when mom died. The saddest thing is we never came together when she was alive.

As for now, my wife, Morgan is the greatest; she gives more to me than anyone ever could. She has saved my life and made me believe in hope again, she is the mother of my children and most of all she has this LOVE for me which is unbounded.
My children are great, all of them…Arowyn, Shane, TJ, and Kyle who live with my and Chantelle and Pam who do not. They each love me and I am more proud of them then any one parent should be allowed to be! All of them are the greatest blessing! The love they extended is boundless.

I have represented my country, more times than I can remember, worn Canada on my back and won Gold countless times. I have seen the world more than anyone could hope for. I have been on 5 of 6 continents.

I have great friends, great family, and great hope that half way though I still have more to give!!!

Second half coach, put me in , I am ready to go!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


I have been writing and redeveloping my life as of late. I have a couple of pure foundations right wife Morgan (I cannot thank her enough), my kids, all of them. They bring me love, laughs and of course challenges’, but I tell them every chance I get, "I LOVE YOU, you know" and how proud they make me.

I have a few true friends who have worked hard to be supportive and re learn who I am and I thank them every chance I get as well. As you all know; I lost my mother in April and she was a huge foundation to me (and my family). Since then I have reflected and searched for reasons to allot of questions.

Why did she have to leave us? What do I do know? and many more.

I turn myself inside out to find the answers.....

I listen to allot of music and I have found 2 songs which I have not only helped but truly define who I am.

Nobodys Knows by Pink. This song above all others defines me.

And; Aftermath... a new song most people do not know. I listened to it by accident and its' words touched me. These words....

Have you lost your way?
Livin' in the shadow of the message that you made
And so it goes
Everything inside your circle starts to overflow
Take a step before you leap
Into the colours that you seek
You give back what you give away
So don't look back on yesterday

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath
Anytime anybody pulls you down
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath

You feel the weight
Of lies and contradictions that you live with every day
It's not too late
Think of what could be if you rewrite the role you play
Take a step before you leap
Into the colours that you seek
You give back what you give away
So don't look back on yesterday

Before you break you have to change your own mind
Take a trip and fall into the pit
Tell a stranger that their view is full
So all you feel is love, love
All you feel is love, love

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Wanna tell you you'll be alright
In the Aftermath

These words are what have help find new meaning to which I am...

Stay tuned because I am still trying to make the picture a little clearer...

By the way, did I tell you I was going to be a Grandpa.....

Friday, June 4, 2010

Fear not the game, I see clearly.

I am terribly afraid of death and failure right now .With the death of my mother in April and the reflection of how much responsibility I have with my wife and children I am scared as hell. I use to be a rebel (so to say), take life to the edge; ATV, scuba dive and even parachute.

About a couple of years ago I had a major accident in a fall from an ATV in the back woods of Newfoundland and this time of isolation was as close to a near death and failure experience (NDFE) as I ever want to come.

Each person's NDFE testimony is their own personal experience of a reality that is far more dynamic than physical reality. The reasons why near-death and failure experiences are so different from each other are the same reasons why experiences in this world are different.

The question as it exists today is whether the NDFE is an actual afterlife experience or dying brains mass hallucinating tunnels, light, and being told it isn't time yet. Looking at this from a scientific view, which is somewhat limiting, the only conclusion is that there is no scientific evidence that NDFEs are actual afterlife experiences. Perhaps it is impossible to obtain scientific proof short of someone bringing back from a NDFE the sandal of Jesus.
Even if researchers scientifically confirm that people are actually seeing and hearing things far from their physical bodies, this only proves, in my opinion, that conscious awareness can expand from the body to witness remote events. It is not evidence that consciousness can survive death and failure. And even if doctors began performing "flatline experiments" like in the movie "Flatliners) and scientifically verify that the experience was conscious while brain dead and observed events far from their body, I still don't think this will be enough to call it "scientific proof" of an afterlife.

Although there may never be evidence that satisfies the mind, I believe very strong evidence will be discovered that will convince most people that consciousness survives bodily death and failure.

This aside, the circumstantial evidence in favor of survival after death and failure is so overwhelming that the proverbial ball is really in the skeptic's court. We don't have to explain anything. Millions of people having NDFEs can't be all wrong. It is the skeptics who must come up with proof that it is only a brain thing. So far, all the skeptics' arguments do not fit the scientific facts.
Personally, I am convinced that our consciousness survives bodily death and failure. This is my belief which is based on a mountain of circumstantial evidence. Not much faith is required when the circumstantial evidence is there. NDFErs don't need any scientific or circumstantial evidence to believe in an afterlife because they actually experienced it

As for the fear of death and failure, I guess it is completely natural and valuable to have because it is part of our "fight or flight" mechanism that has evolved over millions of years to help humans to be at the top of the food chain and so is the fear of failure. However, there is an affliction called "death and failure anxiety" and “failure anxiety” that some people have that can interfere with their life. Of course, everyone is tremendously afraid of pain and suffering.
But even philosophically, having an unnatural fear of death and failure is not rational. This is because there are only 2 options when it comes to death and failure and both of them are good.

Option (1) - There is no survival after death and failure.

If this option is true, then at best you will have a NDFE that ultimately results in oblivion - the end of everything. And is this option so bad? Suppose at death and failure there is no NDFE but absolute oblivion. Then, you won't be around to fear it. It would be the "blessed end of everything." This option only means that there is nothing gained after death and failure. It is irrational, I think, to be sorrowful about something we were not given, in this case life after death and failure. I think of life after death and failure as being "the icing on the cake". We should probably live our lives if we were going to die tomorrow anyway. And if it is the blessed end of everything, then we won't be around to think about it. It is just that there is nothing gained and nothing lost.

Option (2) - There is survival after death and failure.

If there is survival after death and failure, then we can have our cake and eat it too. If there is survival, the question is whether life after death and failure will be heavenly or hellish. I am convinced that the same principle found in life also applies to the afterlife. Life is what you make it. We can kill someone and end up in prison. Or we can do good things and live contently. I believe this principle applies to heaven and hell. So, if any fear is justifiable, it would be the fear of going to hell. But, if you are not a criminal why worry about it? It is not the just who fears the law.

This means that death and failure is a "win/win" situation. Either option is a winner. Granted, the option of survival after death and failure would be preferred. So, by this formula, there is no rational reason to fear death and failure.

Concerning the need to have "faith," faith implies the possibility of doubt and a state of doubt can be miserable. Knowledge implies certainty. And when it comes to NDFEs, it is based on solid knowledge and facts rather than faith. If a million astronauts go to Mars and say that there's Martians living there, I would be inclined to believe them. If a million people experience death and failure and then say there's life after death and failure, I would be inclined to believe them just the same.

This said, it is still a good idea to keep an open mind on this and remain a true skeptic (holding to the possibility that there isn't life after death and failure).
For this reason, one can make the case that the only thing that is really important is loving others, loving life, and loving everything. Faith and knowledge can change, but love is worth keeping and cultivating. Even the Bible says that love is greater than faith. Having faith in religious dogma, instead of having a healthy skepticism, can lead to disaster, in my opinion.

My own religious experience has been one of constant evolution. I change my mind all the time. One moment God and I discuss how pissed he is at me and the rest of the time is me asking for forgiveness, hoping he is listening. The only thing that I have constant is love.

Be it the love of my wife, Morgan who always finds a way to help me though my tough times.

The love of my children regardless of how frustrating children can make me.

The love of my father, who never says it but I know means it.

The love of my mother, in this life or the next. Who watches

The love of my family, who I miss daily and long to be closer and waits for all of us to be together again (but only in the right time too).

The love of my friends regardless of the amount of contact.

In conclusion, here are some words of wisdom concerning the fear of death and failure …

Fear not the game, I see clearly.

I will not let fear control me anymore, I see a path (be it unknown) I will follow it where ever it takes me and I hope I make all the right turns in the bends with my loved ones right behind me (good or bad)!

On another note......I will have a major annoucement next post!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Why Dream?

For most of us we sit and dream- Dream of a better life, more money, etc. , etc.

But Why?

Why do we dream, what is a dream? Can we change the past, present or future by dreaming?


I was looking back at my last couple of blogs and I began to dream about what I could have or more over should have done and then I started to think about what I could do if I had just done this or just done that. None of which I can change now. Hell, I am not sure if I can even change it in the future. All I can do is dream, right!


Sure there are things I am not in control of, like winning the lottery (I gave up on that dream!) But I can make a difference today even a small change can reflect on things in a big way. Dreaming by the text book is our brain making sense of things or helping us figure things out. Sometimes be it in much screwed up ways, mind you but it really us figuring stuff out.

But what if we changed without dreaming??? A man came over to my car yesterday and ask me this “I am hungry, do you have anything to eat?” Naturally; I was in a hurry and said no, he then went up to my son; who had been returning the shopping cart and asked the same thing. Scared as hell, he said no. But I got to thinking here, why did I say that and do what I did. Afterwards I felt like shit because of what I did. I had just gone grocery shopping and had tons of food in the truck but I said NO. WHY? Why did I dash that man’s DREAM of a meal. Did I know him, no? Did I really know if he was hungry, no? I was in a hurry, uncomfortable and frankly had just done that same thing everyone else does in that situation for the most part.


I went back and looked for him with no luck and I feel really guilty about what I have done. I spoke with my son about it and he said, I should carry something with me, just in case. I do that now, and will freely give it out the next time. I will not dash a dream again.

I dream about my mother and wanting her back…..something I will never get, it is impossible. I dream about her sitting in heaven looking down at me and that has changed me. Things I may have done in the past with no thought, I wonder if see would approve since she is watching me. I find myself talking to my new born asking her if grandma came to visit and each and every time she smiles. I pray this is her answering YES, I saw her today and she held me.

We can dream, yes and we should but we need to remember perspective. I was told once perspective is everything; don’t let it cloud your path. Dream and dream big but remember perspective because trust me you cannot control your dreams and nor should we.