Friday, October 23, 2015

Pressing the REST button again!

Ok; so in my last post I said I would let everyone know why I have to press the reset button on life again.

Well; as you all know Morgan and I picked our life up and moved back to BC for a number of reasons but really for the fact I owed it to her.. 

You see for years Morgan and the kids have been following my ass around from one side of Canada to the other. We have had good times and bad times all along the way - but hey that’s life right! 

In 9 years we have moved from Ontario to Newfoundland, Newfoundland to BC; BC to Ontario and finally Ontario back to BC. 

Why you may ask?

Well; basically work! Working for me has been a 2-3 year process of contracts always hoping for something longer term but hey this is the 21st century and not 1950's. So I followed the work. In a selfish manner! Yup; I said it selfish!

After all these moves and the closing of the business I last worked at (not my fault); it was time to stop moving and find home. My whole life was and for that matter may always be an Ontario boy but my wife and kids are all BC babies. It was time to move for her and they and well hell the weather isn’t that bad either!

Never the less we moved and I found work. Work in a job which was challenging but truly rewarding for me. Until 2 weeks ago when I went into work and well it came to an end. Now; that is all I am going to say about it other than - I STILL TOTALLY DON"T GET IT!

But hey, I wasn't the only one. However this time on a personal note is different.  Because of my cancer treatments and the time needed to recover and the short time at the new job I did not get enough hours for EI (used those up in recovery) - can't get a disability pension (even longer story to which I might write about soon) so we are living off Morgan's income and well the little savings we have left; for right now!

So; I have to find work and soon and I do mean soon!

So I find myself, Morgan and our kids hitting the “Reset" button AGAIN!

This time I am going to do it different. I have made far too many mistakes the last times I hit the button – selfish, lying, aggressive, gruff, asshole, self centered, competitive jerk.

I always say “you can never out run history, it says with you forever” – Trust me it does!

Things I said or did 35 years ago I regret today still haunt me. Lies I told have almost cost me everything. “you cannot rewrite history, you cannot out run history: it will catch you one day”

Don’t try!

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.

This is so true – let me see how hard I take take this hit; this time – I hope I don’t get knocked out!

I mean could you do it?

I don't mean every single instance you experience discomfort or frustration. We need those moments to help us grow and become more than we are.

I mean those moments in life when you realize you're absolutely miserable, unfulfilled, and not being true to yourself.

Maybe you've made a series of bad choices or taken actions that have created undesirable results.

Maybe you've had choice made for you which put you on the wrong side of the fence!

Do you find yourself "settling" instead of "aspiring" for something more?

Do you feel like you're in a room with a hundred doors leading out, but every one you go through brings you back into the same room? You can't find that one door that frees you from captivity?

How many times have you said or thought, "If only I had life to live over ..." then carried on with your same daily routine as though you had no power to change your circumstances?

What would your life look like -- starting fresh, from this day forward?

What would your relationships look like?

What would your conversations look like?

How would you spend your day?

Whether you can see it or not, feel it or not, you DO have a Reset button.

You don't have to settle or remain as is and you can activate this button at any time.

The only caveat is, the button isn't magical. It's not like waving a magic wand and your life changes in the blink of an eye.

By pressing this button you agree to think and act differently, to have that picture of your ideal life in your mind's eye, then start thinking and acting as if you are living that life right now.

You are no longer doing those things that created unwanted!

By pressing this Reset button you agree to erase old programming and create new programming that will allow you to live a life you love. 

You are the computer and you are also the programmer. 

Would you keep a faulty computer program that produces errors and costs you heavily in time, expense and happiness, just because you invested in it or would you rather cut your losses, hit the Reset button and install a new program that would change the direction of your life forever?

Put your hand on your heart and vow to do whatever it takes to change your life. You have just pressed your Reset button. Now, start writing your new program.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

7 Things I Wish My Loved Ones Knew About Living With Disabilities

So I once again have some time on my hands as I begin to press the reset button again and look for work again! Yes, I know WTF? right!

Well; the story will come out in another post in the next few days. However; I came across the following earlier today and it hit home for me and will for many living with a disability. As I get older I am just beginning to understand the effects of disability and age. 


Take this for what it is! I did modify it to reflect my life but it speak miles aboyt me and about disiability in general. Read it think about it and make a comment if you want; either on here or on my facebook!


1. When I say “I’m tired,” I mean I’m exhausted.
There’s a chance I’ve canceled plans because of this, but it means the world to me when you continue to invite me out, because there will be days where the disabilities don’t win. Asking me out to do things is a way of rooting for me more than you know, and I appreciate it very much.
2. I’m glad your health regime is working for you, but that’s your health. This is my health, and what works for me might be different.
Listen, it’s super cool that you feel as though your yoga instructor and detoxifying waters would really benefit me, and I’m stoked you found something that works for you, but my body is different, and I need my medications like I need oxygen. Please understand and be respectful of this. My body, my existence. My choice. Your body, your existence. Your choice.
3. I am allowed to hate my disabilities.
I am allowed to have bad days. I am allowed to have days where the disabilities win, and I toss up a white flag of surrender in a way that Dido adamantly refuses. I am allowed to hate my disability. I am allowed to hate my major depressive disorder. Do not mistake my bad days for self-loathing, and for the love of all that is holy, please don’t toss up your complaints about my disabilities in terms of our dynamic. I know being a loved one has its difficulties, but if you think having me in your life is burdensome, you should try living as me sometime. I’m just sayin’.

4. Inclusivity is far more than introducing me to your other friends.
It is making sure I get ample notice to schedule my rides in time, and knowing you don’t mind picking me up before we go somewhere. It is making sure the place we’re going is accessible, or a phone call and a game plan in regards to the new venture. If you forget about my wheelchair, you are forgetting a part of me. Don’t take offense when I shut down plans due to inaccessibility. If I feel as though my wheelchair is going to speak for me the majority of our outing when all I really want to do is spend time with you, it’s not going to be a good time. If you don’t show care of my basic needs, you are showing me that my needs aren’t that important to you.
That said, sometimes sh*t happens, and I may need help parking my chair in order to take a piss, or I may need help to assist me in getting my chair up a set of stairs. So long as you’re ready for a little bump in the road and don’t regard it as that big of a deal, neither will I.
5. Sometimes I feel like a burden to you.
And I will want to talk about it. These conversations are awkward, painful and awfully important. Chances are, I will say something off-handedly. Like, maybe I heard you talk about how you used to help me get my shoes on in the morning, or maybe my wheelchair was a really big pain to get out of your truck. Perhaps I drunkenly ran over your foot? Who knows? But it’s important. I do not want to be anyone’s obligation. I do not want to be anyone’s path to redemption. I want to be your friend. I want to be a part of this family. I want to know there are pieces in my life bigger and louder than the ones that society has deemed unlovable. I want to know I should not say thank you for loving me. That I am worthy of love and a place within this home, this social circle, this life. So let’s talk about it. Please.
6. My disabilities do define me (in some aspects of my life).
I am your Husband. I am your Dad,I am your friend. I am your brother. I am your son. I also happen to have disabilities that stop me from doing certain things. I do not have the same rights you do. I cannot do everything you can do “just in a different way.” I am disabled, and not because my needs are different, but because society at large deems these needs as not important enough to meet. I cannot have spontaneity in the way that I yearn to. I go through doctors the way you swipe left on your Tinder profile.
I am not ashamed in living this life of difference. When you say you don’t see my disabilities, I know you actually mean, “I see the person you are with these disabilities,” but when you use phrases like, “You’re just differently abled” or “I don’t see the wheelchair,” it kind of makes me want to throw up in my mouth a bit. You’re basically saying, “I don’t see the discrimination you face every day.” Even though you and I know you mean differently.
7. Know that I’m ready to roll over some toes and kick some a*s whenever you need.
Seriously. Just call me up. I’ve got this.
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