Sunday, May 30, 2010

How does one celebrate???

I use a phrase often...In life we all get faced with challenges, how one deals with those challenges is what makes each of us different and ultimately strong, while defining the complexity of who we are in reality.

Over the last month, since my mother's passing this is more true than ever before. My life has been rot with grief and at the same time pure moments which should be; no must be celebrated. Much like today, May 30. The day my father was born 73 years ago.

How difficult is it to celebrate these moments of what should be victory, a birthday or the moment your new born daughter sits up for the first time or the look of love from your wife who so desperately wants to help you but struggles not only with the how but her own grief. Thank you Morgan and I am sorry.

I am not a great person but I try. I try to be a good man who wants to provide not only for my family directly but indirectly. I feel I am a giving man even at times when I cannot afford to be and I don't mean money but emotion.

The death of someone close to us is one of life's most stressful events. We fear loss of companionship and the changes it will bring to our lives. It takes time to heal and each of us responds differently. We may need help to cope with the changes in our lives. But in the end, coping effectively with bereavement is vital to our mental health.

Mourning and the complex stages of the grieving process are necessary. Even though the present is felt to be intolerably painful, it is healthy and normal for a bereaved person to experience intense emotions and swift mood changes. These are natural reactions to loss so the text books say.

"It takes time to heal." I truly believe this a myth. I think my brother stated it the best (Kelly)- "time will make this, not good, but better"

More over it most certainly will not heal. We will only learn to cope. Any period of grieving depends upon the situation and varies greatly from person to person.
Grieving is not a weakness; it is a necessity. Refusing to grieve is not courageous it is harmful .

So what or how do we celebrate what should be.....WE MUST! For that person and those around us.

Celebrate each moment, each birthday, each day, each second for it is when those moments are not available to us that we wish we had...DON"T let those moments pass.
For those who I have wronged, I am sorry...I was wrong. Very wrong. I do not ask for forgiveness because that is impossible but I do ask you for understanding for I am not who I was but I am changed; vastly changed.

And for those who do and can forgive....I am always hear for you to celebrate those days, those minutes and those seconds which should be.

I miss you Mom and wish the best I can for you this day Dad. For my friends and those who can forgive....THANK YOU!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I Love you, you know! Eleanor Francis Daw

I know it has been awhile since I wrote on here and the fact is; a blog is very labour rot. Time and energy, who knows who reads it, or even cares. Life is full of perspective.

One day however you will wake to find that world changed I did on April 29, 2010. The day I learned, I would never hear the voice which had been there so many times in the pass. The day I would come to learn what a moment in time was all about...the day my mom passed.

My mom was born on November 15, 1942 and ever since then has been changing lives. She changed the life of my Grandparents and then that of my father Ivan. Then of my brothers and sisters. I am proud to say I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. Alan, Phillip, Kelly and my Sister Tracey. Proud to call them my family as my mom was proud to call them her children. My mom changed all our life's both as children and as adults. She no matter what was always there. Rain or shine nor matter what we said good or bad she was mom. No matter the distance between us, No matter how bad we screwed things up she would always lean in and tell you "I love you, you know" something I miss each time I pass a phone.

My mom loved her children and watches each of us now waiting for the day we can hold her in our arms again, the day she can lean in and tell us "I love you, you know"

She not only loved her children but was a proud grandmother to the countless Daw clan of grand children. All her grand children. She loved my newest one; Arowyn; sadly; one she never got to hold, or tell her she loved her in person. My mom did get to see her and share a smile and a laugh over Skype. I know she loves her and watches her....her Tulip.

You see my mom never really was that fond of Arowyns name and joked she was going to call her Tulip. A name which has so much more meaning now.

The day you never want to come is the day you can never hear a voice, or see someone again. We always say...we have time....see you soon but I am hear to tell you you don't.

Take the time; each time to tell the people you care about you love them, to hold them, to embrace them because death will come if you like it or not. There will not be that moment you hoped for that moment of being able to lean in and say.....

I love you, you know!

So to all of you to whom I care for and love, I am reaching for each of you now giving you a hug and letting you know this.

THANK YOU for giving me the honour of being in your life, I love you.

To my family regardless of the distance... I Love YOU!

and MOM...thank you for allowing me to be you son, for guiding me, holding me, protecting me and letting me learn who you are.