Thursday, December 22, 2011

A christmas gift for some....the offical annoucement!

We after a number of years and questions; I guess I better make it official. After 30 years in the Paralympic movement I am retiring from international competition and competition as a whole.

I think I have had a good run; 5 official different sports for Canada, athletics, basketball, wheelchair rugby, marathon and curling; with a mention to sit volleyball as well. I attended multi Paralympic games with Australia and Turin being the most memorable for me. I am one of the few to have had the chance to represent Canada at both summer and winter paralympic games.
Before I offically leave,  I would like to make one statement about my curling career.
I never quit!
I asked for a leave of absence, I have just never really made it back up to that level but I never quit. I had a bunch of personal things going on at the time and it was best for the program I step aside for a time. With that and the success of Jim (a friend of mine, and proud to say that) there was never a need to go back but please remember I never quit.

I cannot really remember how many medals I have one but if one had to guess and my son did this for me ;the total is 600+. I attended 61 World championships and 120 National Championship events. I have had a wonderful career and made some great friends along the way, some which have lasted and will last a life time. I have been on 5 of the 6 continents and god only knows how many countries but Scotland, England, Australia and Japan where the best times I ever had.

There will be no media press conference and honestly I don’t think anyone will really care.  I would have liked to continue but I don’t think the opportunity will present itself so now is the time. I will focus on my family which gave so much over the years and focus on career.

I hope I made a difference, I hope I represented everyone including Canada at a level which would be considered great! Thank you everyone for the opportunity. See you somewhere down the road.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Merry Christmas to All and to all a good night....


In a year defined by change more than any other I just want to say this.
Never let your passion out run patience.

Remember these words and you will understand struggle and love more than ever.

I have no idea what the next year will bring but I do hope for just a few things.

1. Opportunity - as a whole. In life and in understanding

2. Understanding - I really want people to understand who I was is not who I am. Given a chance I can show you then change, but I need the chance.

3. Chance - I need a chance or two. I just need the chance to succeed again. In all aspects; in life, love, sports, my children and the list goes on.

I have tried and tried again to get across the line and move on. I don't know if I will return to sports or not. At 42 I would like to think I am not done yet but I need a chance.

Just one more.

But enough about my wants....

Merry Christmas to all and a BIG thank you as well. I feel like I have a huge family walking me though these times and I cannot express what the impact of your support and messages mean.
Thank you for believing in me those that do and those which are speculative........please just believe.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New year to all of you!


Saturday, December 3, 2011

“In the dark it is always darkest before the dawn.”

The last few months have been a time of change for me. I have had a lot of time to reflect on what was,; what is but not so much on what will or could be. It has been a dark time for me.

 “In the dark it is always darkest before the dawn.”  This is a quote or line I heard some where once. I hope this has truth to it. 

Right now not only for me but for many the hour is dark. I know it is dark for some/many. So many people are hurting right now. So many people are struggling to find inspiration , faith, even hope that tomorrow the dawn breaks and life turns the corner. Trust me I understand now more than ever what this means.

The last few weeks have been very difficult for me and my family. Not a lot of good news. Morgan has had a great amount of good occur for her and maybe that is what I need to reflect on. Maybe it is her time right now and mine is to support her efforts as she moves along. Much like she has done so many times in the past for me. I have never been as ideal as I am right now, in such a search for reason.

I did have a little more ray of dawn shine today. My brother Phil came over today. I have not really spoken much to him in the last little bit. He surprised me by coming over to bare a gift which was magnificent but stayed to chat for a few moments. It meant so much to me. The chat was small talk and him explaining what he has been doing at work. Although I don’t know that exact title of what is up for , I am so proud to say he is up for a number of awards though his work. Phil has followed his passion and by all a counts has his dream job. He works as a horticulturist and driver for a major hotel in London.  As long as I can remember, my brother has been involved in horticulture in one form or another. But what is more impressive is his dedication to those which he drives.

He told me about his efforts and accomplishments of work. How he drives children to the cancer clinic and how when needed he will have a stuffed animal given to a child in need and how the cost of that animal deducted from his pay.  A great person my brother, a great person.  A person we can all learn from. I have always had him there in support of my efforts and now in whatever way I can I am here to support him.

If not believed, I do love all my brothers and my sister very much. They have always been around for me in one way or another. As I was growing up were where much closer and as much of us experience as we grow older life often gets in the way. We grow apart, we fight, we argue and even at times we hate but we are still family.

I am writing this to let them know I care and love them but more over thank them for being them, my brothers and my sister. Maybe someday I will be able to say this to you in person but until that day comes, this will have to do.

I am proud to call them family and I am proud to call each and every person that is a friend to me a friend.

Thank you all.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Passage of time….

I opened a book preface with the line, “There’s no greater challenge, more or less significant than the passage of time.”

 And, in the many years since, that line has remained with me, with my understanding that empathy and compassion are two of the most sincere traits that we can possess. See, what I’ve learned through my own challenges and struggles is that while no two people or struggles are the same, challenges and struggles effect most individuals at some point in life – often at several points in life – and although the origins of challenges and struggles vary greatly, their impact is universal, requiring all of us in moments of desperation to find an inner-strength to step back from the ledges we find ourselves on. And, when we’ve stood on the ledges of life – on the verge of slipping off, falling off, wheeling off – we know how tough it is for others in those situations, but what happens when we find ourselves facing the same situation.

When you live successfully with disability – and, dare I say, honestly, where you don’t portray life as perfect, but as simply survivable, regardless of challenge or struggle – it is inevitably clear to others that you’ve been to the ledge and back, gaining wisdom along to way. After all, if one is struggling, one can relate with someone who’s obviously struggled, too – and there’s a sort of reassurance in seeing that another has somehow made it through the tougher times in life, mountains climbed, scars earned, wisdom gained, and ledges safely passed.

When you put these perspectives together – those who are facing life’s challenges and struggles, with those who have struggled and survived; the fact is, many are too often alone in facing their challenges and struggles – and it is scary, isolating, and debilitating. What’s even worse is when one discusses one’s challenges and struggles with someone who hasn’t “been there,” and ends up being judged, lectured, and ridiculed – harmful feedback that can only make one feel more defeated, pushing one farther out on the ledge. But, when there’s a true mutual understanding between people. We share, we listen, and we build trust – that is, we create the foundations of truly the most meaningful, supportive, healing relationships in our lifetimes.

And, when we’re in need, with such an empathetic, compassionate friend in our midst, the outcomes are life-changing: We can exhale our true feelings, we can open ourselves up in a safe place, we can explore our emotions, we can express true wishes, and we can just be. When it all comes together, it’s not just a friendship that’s life-sustaining, but can actually be life-saving – conversations that allow us to restart living.

Those who have faced life’s challenges and struggles, we know how tough they can be to overcome. Yet, when we overcome them, we have an evolved empathy and compassion for others of such kindred spirits. Let us be there for others – without judgment, as unconditionally as possible. And, if we’re fortunate enough to have someone who’s there for us unconditionally – offering an open hand, drawing us back when we’re standing on a ledge – let us cherish that friendship and reciprocate.  This is what happen to me when I met Morgan. She pulled me from the ledge and saved my life. Allowed me to once again understand the regardless of what I thought I did have meaning to others and have changed life’s though my message though my living.

I sit on the sidelines waiting for an opportunity be that in a career, in sport, or in life. Perhaps one day though the passage of time people will understand that I really am not who I was and started my life over when I met Morgan. I will sit patiently with aspirations of hope and understanding. We a belief that people may understand that the past is the past and pages for people can be rewritten should they be given the opportunity. See, the goal  is to not just to top the mountains of life, but to top the mountains of life together, hand-in-hand and this can only be done though the passage of time..

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Happy Birthday Mom - I love you , you know.

Eleanor F. Daw

Today is my mom's birthday.

How old she is does not matter, time for her now stands still.

Today is a day for reflections and celebration.

My mom passed away on April 29, 2010.

I have read my brothers tribute to her which was as always touching.(
My sister posted a link to a song which had tears well in my eyes (

It is a time hard to explain to my children.  My oldest boy Kyle knew his grandmother and missing her deeply. My other boys knew her and loved her but did not really have the time to get to know her. My daughter Arowyn was only seen once by my mother over Skype. She smiled at my mom and my mom called her tulip. I know my mom watches over them and provide guidance to them each day. I sometimes feel she sit on my shoulder and talks to me, telling me not to give up and not to fear for hope is just around the corner.

Forever I will never understand why my mother was taken from this family; from my father. She was so loved and loved 10 fold in return. She is missed almost as much as she was loved, each one of us still grieving in our own ways. I never really got to say goodbye to my mom, never got to say I love you one last time. Why? I will know the day see holds me in her arms again; sometime down the road; a day she only knows.

Ivan & Eleanor Daw
Every morning I wake up and put on a mask,
the mask makes everything seem alright,
But they don’t know I cry at night,
The nightmares just won’t go away
If only I knew it was your last day
once more the words of love would have been said

I’ve felt this pain
The feeling just won’t go away,
Everyone thinks I’ve dealt with your death the best,
but without this mask Id be a mess.

Struggle is not something we need to accept but some thing which only presents itself each day.

My mom struggled on a numbers of roads in life but never did stop loving anyone of us and never will.

“I love you, you know” is an older post which I wrote at the time of my mom’s passing and I invite you to read it (

Then I ask you all regardless of how you feel, to call, hug, visit, what ever you need to do to those which means something to you regardless of the pass. Reach out to them and say I love you, or even hey.

Because one day you will not have that chance and the void will be great and empty.

I love you mom and miss you more than anyone will ever know.

My Mom's remberance stone

Friday, November 4, 2011

Elmo has such a greater meaning....

                                                   Elmo means "I love you"

Each day passes without real notice to anyone. We sometimes wake up to wonder where time went. The other day I was sitting with Arowyn (my daughter) and this fact hit me. Arowyn is my prize so to say. All my children are. I have a few. My older girls Pam and Chantelle are well into adulthood now. They are 19 and 17; one with Kodi my granddaughter who turns 1 in February. They are both from my ex-wife Mari.

Kyle is my oldest son from my marriage to Mari but lives with Morgan and I. He is a great boy who is dedicated to his family. Arowyn looks upon him in awww. Everyday sitting at the windows awaiting his return from school yelling Ky, Ky. Until he walks though the door and she can be held by him and they walk off to get their brothers. He really is a GREAT kid. He works very hard trying to do his best for me and Morgan. He does not always succeed but he is always appreciated and loved. Thank you ,Kyle.

Shane and Tj or better known as the “fix it brothers” are good kids to. They are peas in a pod and arm in arm stand by each other. They love their brother and sister.  They also work hard at doing the right things not always have success either but the effort is there. Thank you boys. They are loved as well and we try hard to make sure all the boys know right from wrong and get along.

Arowyn throughout the day will YELL; TJ;  as she does not understand where he went. She checks the window 200 times a day between 11am and 3pm for her brothers crying out for them.

She is a dream. Blues eyes to die for; bright smile; blonde hair. I will have to stand guard with my guns when she is older to fight the boys off. She is always happy but can have a major attitude when she wants. The other day my sister Tracey helped as I fix my car. I had asked her to watch Arowyn. Well; 2 hours later and my loving, happy daughter was still yelling at the top of her lungs. Not to discount the valiant efforts of my sister.  She did a great job but next time I need to bring her ear plugs. Arowyn can have attitude.

Arowyn has one love in the world right now; ELMO. I got a tickle me Elmo from Morgan about 4 years ago as a gift. Elmo is Morgan and mines code word for “I love you”. So the gift was perfect at the time. A few years later and Elmo is loved. Arowyn tows him around the house doing everything. And gods forgive you should you come between her and him.

She dress him, diapers him, feeds him; well I bet you get the picture. I think in her own way she has even asked me to buy him a car but the budget has not worked out for that yet. Next blog I will have the adventures of Elmo ready to go and you can read the toilet and swimming lessons she tried to give him. Remember one thing about that doll. The batteries… when you see her hair standing on end you now understand (just joking)

Arowyn loves her mom. She is going though the worst time of her life right now. Every time her mom leaves she pans at the windows yell for her mommy for 5 to 25 minutes.  She is getting better but it is very difficult on her. Morgan use to stay at home with her when I work and Arowyn has not figured thing out yet that when she leaves she will return. I have a few tricks but is very difficult time and only time will tell or more over learn.

Morgan is my wife of 3 years and I have been with her for 5 in total. We both have our past but better yet we have our future. Today November 4 is our anniversary day of when we officially became a couple. I love her with all my heart. I truly believe I am a much better person today because of her. I gave up my old life, all my wrong doings, all my errors (I still make a few) . She has changed me for the better.

 She showed me who I am and what I can be. I am not perfect and I have wrong so many people. For that all I can say is I am sorry.   I will not apologize but I can say I was wrong and I am sorry. Take it for what it is and the words I have said. I am sorry.

Morgan and the kids are my life. I love them and that is to be noted.

Happy Anniversary  Morgan , it has been a great 5 years awaiting the next 5.

I have moved on from the VCC and although missed and not understood. I have my foundation, my wife, my kids, my family and those I call friends.

My door, phone and heart is open to all of you. You know you can count on me for support and love.

That is who I am now and what I try to be.

THANK YOU all for your embrace, forgiveness, friendship and so much more.

Next time the adventures of Elmo and swimming in the toilet!
Shocking outcome to be announced!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The passage of time is never long enough.

So, I have been back in Ontario for near 2 weeks now and nothing really has changed. A few things but nothing really. Family is the same, Town is the same, etc.

In others words, nothing changes or not enought time has occured between my last time here and now.

It was interesting to see that in my poll that 2 people don't care if I moved back. I though the number was going to be higher.

I ran into a friend the other day and she said, "I heard you where back" in a way that made me wonder a few things. The way she said it sounded like she was expecting me to say something or jump up and down. Fact is, I came home for myself and my family. I wanted my kids to be closer to my family and have a chance to get to know them a little bit before some of them are not around anymore.

Time is a funny thing, you never know when enough has past and my the time you do you have missed most thing.

For those of you wanting more details on what happen at the VCC, that will come inthe next blog.

To finish this one up; I got this email today which most of the below came from, I found it very interesting and will expand on my meaning in the next blog as well.

Here’s an interesting fact: Before adaptive technology, medication, and assistive equipment, Neanderthals (commonly known as “Cave men”) took care of tribe members with disabilities who had trouble performing tasks necessary for survival.

If caring for people was so easy a caveman could do it, why is it so hard to receive assistance today?

It is encouraging to see the community of Canada’s Disability Living Blog take care of one another. By sharing encouraging stories and offering advice to others, you are providing individuals with support. If you haven’t visited the website yet, explore the conversations taking place at

This week's blog series focuses on “Disability Etiquette.”

Does it surprise you that Disability Rights in Canada have been progressing for 40 years, yet some people still don’t know what terms are appropriate to use when addressing this sensitive issue?

What could have been done in the past to educate citizens about disabilities? How do you think awareness can be spread in the future? Here is a timeline of Disability Rights in Canada: Tell us where education could have been applied and your hopes for educating generations yet to come.

What does “Disability Etiquette” Mean?

One blog post defines Disability Etiquette as, “…extending certain courtesies to individuals with a disability in such ways that allow them to feel comfortable, included in society, and respected.”

What does this term mean to you? Share your definition here:

Also, do you have tips to help others become more aware of their speech and behaviour when interacting with people in the disability community?

Does Disability Etiquette Ever Change?

Often times, there is more to a disability than meets the eye. We are eager to hear your thoughts about how to interact with individuals who have challenges in the following areas:

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Time OUT!

Hi everyone;

If you want more information on what your looking for, read the most up to date blog post!

Thanks to the fans, and the supporters,

All the best!


Sunday, January 2, 2011

What Next?

Well, I know I need to write on here more often than I do but life sometimes gets in my way.

Another year has past and to be frank about it I wish some parts had never come.

I had a great amount of highs and lows....

Biggest high- birth of my daughter Arowyn.

Biggest low - Death of my Mother

What else can you say, life is an ever change of expectations with little or no warning.

I will write more often this year, what about who knows.

By the way, I guess I will make it offical. I have returned to sport! I will be curling once again but have no real idea were it will lead me. I have an opportuntiy to grow in my sport and I want to take it. So I will be paly with the best again.

More to follow life is calling.