Sunday, May 30, 2010

How does one celebrate???

I use a phrase often...In life we all get faced with challenges, how one deals with those challenges is what makes each of us different and ultimately strong, while defining the complexity of who we are in reality.

Over the last month, since my mother's passing this is more true than ever before. My life has been rot with grief and at the same time pure moments which should be; no must be celebrated. Much like today, May 30. The day my father was born 73 years ago.

How difficult is it to celebrate these moments of what should be victory, a birthday or the moment your new born daughter sits up for the first time or the look of love from your wife who so desperately wants to help you but struggles not only with the how but her own grief. Thank you Morgan and I am sorry.

I am not a great person but I try. I try to be a good man who wants to provide not only for my family directly but indirectly. I feel I am a giving man even at times when I cannot afford to be and I don't mean money but emotion.

The death of someone close to us is one of life's most stressful events. We fear loss of companionship and the changes it will bring to our lives. It takes time to heal and each of us responds differently. We may need help to cope with the changes in our lives. But in the end, coping effectively with bereavement is vital to our mental health.

Mourning and the complex stages of the grieving process are necessary. Even though the present is felt to be intolerably painful, it is healthy and normal for a bereaved person to experience intense emotions and swift mood changes. These are natural reactions to loss so the text books say.

"It takes time to heal." I truly believe this a myth. I think my brother stated it the best (Kelly)- "time will make this, not good, but better"

More over it most certainly will not heal. We will only learn to cope. Any period of grieving depends upon the situation and varies greatly from person to person.
Grieving is not a weakness; it is a necessity. Refusing to grieve is not courageous it is harmful .

So what or how do we celebrate what should be.....WE MUST! For that person and those around us.

Celebrate each moment, each birthday, each day, each second for it is when those moments are not available to us that we wish we had...DON"T let those moments pass.
For those who I have wronged, I am sorry...I was wrong. Very wrong. I do not ask for forgiveness because that is impossible but I do ask you for understanding for I am not who I was but I am changed; vastly changed.

And for those who do and can forgive....I am always hear for you to celebrate those days, those minutes and those seconds which should be.

I miss you Mom and wish the best I can for you this day Dad. For my friends and those who can forgive....THANK YOU!

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